This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize