dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
