Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I am in a vortex of obligation.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
