hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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