Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
