dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
