Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We need a shit load of segways right now
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
