..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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