just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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