If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
