i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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