He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
