why didn't you poke me back
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
