I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
