If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
