My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She needs sedatives and a leash
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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