I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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