Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
