she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
