my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
