i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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