I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
farters have to be the big spoon...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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