He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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