ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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