I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
