hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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