i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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