You really coming over, don't trick.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
