Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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