So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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