I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So much Jack, so little girl.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
