Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
