just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize