I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
