Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
