If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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