My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
