just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
