Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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