So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize