I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
