At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
