Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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