I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Randomize
