Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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