i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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