Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
