well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize