I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize