Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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