So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just blew my weed a kiss
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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