in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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