Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
