It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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