Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
