you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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