At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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