I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
