Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
