dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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