Don't make out with my wife yet
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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