Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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