Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
