R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize