dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize