Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
