Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
