Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
